Up late talking games & writing? You're...

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Family: Not too to my own horn or anything, but since Whittaker’s been here, changing diapers has been pretty painless. No big accidents, no fuss... he doesn't even really get upset.
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All that changed tonight.
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Little Whit had been snoozing while the wife and I watched the final episode of Idol, and once the winner was revealed we headed upstairs to get ready to turn in. While the woman was puttering around with one thing or another, she passed the baby off to me for one last diaper change before we hit the sack.
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I've been noticing over the last few days that he usually waits a few minutes after he wakes up before his bodily functions kick in, but I thought I had waited long enough tonight to be in the safe zone. I thought wrong.
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I laid him down the bed and prepped the wipes and the diapers. I've pretty much got this whole process down to a science, and an efficient one at that. Unwrapping him from his swaddling blanket, I pulled off the old, soiled diaper and began to wipe him down. He's been home from the hospital for about two weeks or so, and I've changed diapers multiple times every day since then. Like I said, I've got this process down.
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Today, of all days, the little Velcro strap on the side of the soiled diaper snagged the material of the clean diaper as I was tossing it aside. Absolutely the first time it's ever happened. As I began to separate the two diapers, a little warning bell went off in my head, and it occurred to me that this was the perfect time for things to go wrong, so naturally, they did.
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As I was still trying to get the soiled diaper off of the clean diaper, I heard his little tummy rumbling and I knew something was coming. There weren't any towels or small cloths handy, so I left him on top of his swaddling blanket and tried to will myself into moving faster. (For some bizarre reason, these swaddling blankets have a small hole cut into the back of them. I honestly have no idea what function they serve. a heat vent, maybe?) Anyway, it just so happened that his little bottom was positioned directly over this hole.
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When the stuff started flowing, instead of the blanket catching it, it passed directly on through and onto the bed.
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Dropping the diapers, I tried to wrap the blanket around the mess to minimize the damage, and while I was occupied with that (and failing) his little bladder kicked in and he shot upwards, hosing down me, the parts of the bed that his poop didn't hit, and his own head.
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Trying to do damage control, I let go of the blanket and tried to block the urine, but all that happened was that his little bottom fell directly into the poop, smushing it all around. Whit started crying, the bed was a disaster, and I decided to take the kid and run to the bathroom.
The wife helped me get him clean with an impromptu bath and we had to swap sheets afterwards… not exactly the quick diaper change I was expecting before turning in, but I guess parenthood is full of little surprises like this, right?
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Good times.
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