Up late talking games & writing? You're...

My son (the best little boy in the world, BTW) arrived this morning to spend a month with the wife and I. It's our 'summer visit' and we've been looking forward to it since the end of the 'spring visit'.

Games: Since I was laid up this weekend, I got caught up on my gaming. I didn't feel like doing much else besides laying down, blowing my nose, and sipping tea, so I went with it.

First, I downloaded EchoChrome on the PS3. I've been eagerly awaiting this title for quite awhile since I'm a big fan of games with minimalist aesthetics and the demo I saw a few months ago looked absolutely fascinating. For those of you who don't know, the game is best described as a moving M.C Escher drawing, based on perspective and illusion. After getting through the tutorial, I found myself absolutely stumped on the first level and decided to save it for later. I'm blaming that on my illness, but that might be an excuse.

Next, I switched to the 360 and started (and finished) Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness. I'm thinking of cooking up a review, but for the moment I'll say that it was a pretty solid RPG. The core combat engine is mostly fun and could eventually be excellent with a little more polish. The writing was quirky-smart and had more than a few laughs, and the art was absolutely in line with Penny Arcade itself. A great first effort, and I'm looking forward to the next installment. Recommended, and doubly so if you're a PA fan.

Finally, I jumped consoles again and spent some time with Final Fantasy Chrystal Chronicles: My Life As a King on the Wii. I'm not a fan of the FFCC series, but this one is a pretty big departure in terms of formula. Basically, you play the role of the King, and it's your job to develop your town in such a way as to keep your villagers happy. You also recruit townsfolk to go dungeon crawling for you, and eventually you get the option to change them from standard warriors into the other various classes (Black Mage, Thief, etc.) that are common to the FF games. I was a little hesitant at first, but the game sucked me right in and I'm pretty addicted to it at the moment. Definitely a thumbs up, and although it starts slow and simple (which is a good thing) it heats up pretty quick and I'm on the verge of feeling overwhelmed at the moment. In a good way. At this point (Day 53 in the game) it's Recommended.

Film: Since we were both still feeling so rotten, we decided to bail on our fifth SIFF film and stay home while we recuperated. Kind of bummed about that, but there's always next year. Anyway, instead we rented The Mist, the recent adaptation of Stephen King's novella. Personally, I'm not much of a King fan, but I did like this story when I first read it a long time ago.

In watching the film, I felt like it was quite faithful where it needed to be, and what I was seeing on the screen matched up with what I had in my head to a good degree. I thought it was a very good film for the same reason that the story was good; the scariest parts in it are the people and how they react to being put in a terrible situation.

Also, it's worth mentioning that the end of the film is radically different than the end of the novella. I had heard that the director had taken some license, but I wasn't sure what to expect. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but let me assure you, the last few minutes of this film are a complete shock and... and... if I say anymore, I'm going to spoil it. I definitely approved, though... the wife and I were talking about it for an hour afterwards. Recommended.

Random: So the other day, I was standing outside and two alterna-fellows that were walking down the sidewalk chose a spot 5 feet away from me to start shooting the breeze as they lit up some cigarettes. I'm not a smoker myself, and I can't stand the smell or being around people who are smoking. In that particular circumstance, I couldn't leave so I was forced to stay where I was and try to avoid the secondhand smoke they were blowing my way. Of course, every time I tried to shift position, the wind would move to blow smoke straight back into my face.

I realize that smokers feel like they're a persecuted group right now, but the simple fact is that smoking is not healthy and it's also one of the very few bad habits that isn't limited to the person partaking of it. You may have the right to smoke if you want to, but I have the right to not be exposed to the carcinogens you're spewing my way.

I mean, I don't drink but I don't care if people do. If I'm out with friends and they're enjoying some alcohol, none of it accidentally spills and falls into my mouth. I don't eat beef, and if I go out to lunch with people who order burgers, none of it ends up in my stomach. Smoking is the exception here... it's the one vice where it's nearly impossible to contain it to the person who's doing it, and for that reason I feel like laws should be stricter and people who smoke should be more limited in where they can light up.

It especially drives me crazy when I see parents who smoke around their young children. I mean technically, is that not some sort of child abuse? A parent who exposes their underage child to alcohol is breaking the law, and a parent who strikes or physically disciplines their child is risking abuse charges... how is breathing poisonous smoke into the face of a toddler deemed perfectly acceptable?

Sorry to go off on a rant there-- but seriously, people.

The wife and I are both down with some sort of infectious demon sickness that's taking over the sinuses in both our heads, and we didn't feel well enough to catch the #4 film in our SIFF series.

In lieu of that entry, here's some random junk to help you kill a few minutes.

From Bill Harris' blog, Dubious Quality, two excellent links:

The 7 Commandments All Videogames Should Obey (completely true and patently hilarious.)

and

Birdmen and the Casual Fallacy (so sharp in most aspects, I wish I'd written it.)

At GameCritics, the saga of my torturous ordeal with getting a brand new HD TV repaired can be read in its entirety on the boards. If you've ever considered buying anything of significant value at Best Buy... DON'T. Check out the link for more details.

Otherwise, there's not much to report. I've been drinking a lot of tea and taking more naps than I usually do, chores have been piling up, haven't finished reading my latest Keene, haven't touched my stack of comics, haven't written even a single word in Behind Infernal Eyes or my upcoming short story Love Means Leaving Together, and I've basically come to the conclusion that being sick just flat-out sucks.

Pass the tissues, please.

Games: If there’s one thing gamers love, it’s top 10 lists.

I haven’t done one of these in awhile and I was in the mood, so I figured I’d tackle the original Xbox.

Why start there?

I consider the big black beast to be a truly “dead” system – there sure aren’t any more games coming down the pipe for it, and I’ve had ample opportunity to track down and try every game for the system that caught my eye. My Xbox has been packed up and in storage for months, and I’m feeling pretty good about calling this my definitive list.

One quick note: some of you may be wondering why a few great titles aren’t on the list, so I’ll say that I either didn’t like them or they also appeared on another console. I haven’t included anything that was a multi-console release -- these are titles that make their home on the Xbox, and the Xbox alone. (…and no, the PC doesn’t count.)

Without further ado, and in alphabetical order:

Arx Fatalis: A first-person RPG featuring real-time combat and an interesting magic system, this game was smaller and more focused than Morrowind, yet told a better story and was a lot more personable and exciting than King’s Field. It probably wouldn’t hold up very well today, but it struck a great balance and kept me captivated until I saved its underground kingdom.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay: I hated Pitch Black and I never bothered to see the sequel. Also, I’m hardly what you’d call a Vin Diesel fan. Yet despite the fact that this game had two strikes against it before I even put it in the console, it was impossible not to be impressed with the sophistication and quality of this title. I think I knew I was in for more than the average FPS after a surprise prison cell ambush that happens early on, and the game was full of clever moments like that all the way until the end.

Crimson Skies: The High Road to Revenge: Truly one of the best titles on the Xbox, I’m quite shocked that there hasn’t been a sequel announced. I fell in love with the sky pirate motif almost instantly, and the game had tons of quality action for fans who can appreciate aerial combat.

Galleon: If this game hadn’t hit retail as absurdly delayed as it did, I really feel like it would have been one of those history-making, genre-defining titles. The rough graphics were enough to turn most people away, but those who got past appearances were treated to some truly inspired design choices and an adventure that rivals any of its contemporaries. A title that was ahead of its time, yet so late that the industry had already left it behind.

Jade Empire: Bet you didn’t guess this would be on here. I admit it, I’m a pretty devoted BioWare fan, and although Jade Empire isn’t their best work, BioWare’s ‘okay’ stuff is miles and miles better than most developers can ever hope to achieve. I liked the Asian theme, the story was well-told for the most part, and although they shied away from it in their next game, Jade Empire gets props for giving players the option of pursuing a straight, gay, lesbian or FFM romantic encounter – or none at all.

Panzer Dragoon Orta: Although I personally think the best game in this unique, stylish series is Panzer Dragoon Zwei on the Sega Saturn, Orta is a fine shooter in its own right and well worth playing for anyone who can appreciate the tight, reflex-based gameplay and fantastic setting.

Shenmue II: Not only is this game one of the best for the Xbox, it’s one of the best games I’ve ever played, hands down. It certainly has its share of problems, but Yu Suzuki was reaching for the stars when he put this together, and he came pretty damned close to hitting the mark. Ryo Hazuki’s exploits while trying to track down the man who killed his father are a great mix of action, characterization, open-world exploration, and sheer storytelling. The final segment of this game (nothing but dialogue and a peaceful setting) was pure genius in a game full of brilliance.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic: BioWare again, no surprise. What can I say? This game told a better tale and had more memorable characters than the last three Lucas films combined. Not only is it a solid RPG any way you slice it, it handles the Star Wars elements deftly and with more reverence than the man who actually created them.

Tork: Prehistoric Punk: I’d be willing to bet that this particular selection caught most of you by surprise. Haven’t even heard of it? Released as a budget title late in the Xbox’s lifecycle, there was no reason at all to suspect this game of being anything more than a cheap piece of shovelware, but it’s actually a very tight, tuned platformer with quality production values and a great sense of style. The bosses were a little on the cheap side (okay, maybe a lot on the cheap side) but it still delivered a surprisingly quality experience.

Tron 2.0: Killer App: A superb FPS, this game managed to not only deliver absolutely solid action, it takes advantage of its source material (Disney’s seminal 1982 film) better than just about any licensed game I can think of. Positioned as an actual sequel to the film, the level design was fantastic and capitalized on the unique neon visuals the movie is known for, and kept mission goals and enemy varieties completely in line with the themes established onscreen. This is the perfect example of how to make a licensed game correctly – it fits perfectly with its inspiration, yet would still be a great experience if you stripped all the Tron-ness out of it.


So there you have it, my top 10 Xbox list. Disagree with my choices? Have some suggestions of your own? Post a comment or send me an e-mail and let me know what you think.

(And BTW, anything mentioning Halo will be automatically vetoed-- Bungie may be a bunch of really nice guys that have their shooting nailed down, but they can't design a level or tell a story to save their lives.)

Film: The wife and I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull tonight (a non-SIFF film to break things up a bit) and wow… all I can say is that it was incredibly disappointing.

Harrison Ford, replaying the 'ka-ching' sound over and over in his head.

For starters, the performances all felt very stiff and lifeless. Nearly every scene felt like it was phoned in or read off a cue card. There was only one brief scene in the entire film that had even a shred of the original spark an energy of the first three films, when an old character makes a surprise appearance. Outside of that, it was like the actors were standing around and waiting for a paycheck.

Careful kid, there are some huge plot holes around here.

The writing was quite bad as well. None of the one-liners hit the mark, and a lot of the dialog felt stilted and unnatural. The characterizations were just as bad. Instead of a brisk film moving quickly, it felt like I was watching shorthand sketches of who the characters were and where they were coming from. Some of it was just plain off… for example, Indy himself has personally seen proof of God twice (Raiders and Crusade) and the probable existence of another higher power at least once (Temple), and all of a sudden he finds it impossible to believe that something else might exist?

The plot itself never came off as more than half-baked, and completely failed to capture my attention or even interest me the way the others did. Not meeting what I expected from a Jones film, Crystal Skull could just as easily starred anyone else and been any other half-baked adventure movie.

Who to blame? That guy over there... it's his fault.

I don't know who exactly to blame (though I'm looking at you, George "Midichlorian" Lucas) but all I’ll say is that just like the last three Star Wars films, Crystal Skull doesn’t exist in my world.

Not Recommended.

SPOILERS AHEAD




...for those of you who haven't seen the movie. I'm about to list just a handful of the things that completely sucked, so don't read any more of this post if you're worried about possible spoilage.




> The FBI agents leaning so hard on Indy at the start vanishing without even a quip at the end.

>CGI prairie dogs.

>CGI monkeys.

>Surviving a nuclear bomb blast in a fridge. The impact alone was broken neck territory.

>Falling down three waterfalls unharmed? How much disbelief am I supposed to suspend?

>Shia LeBoeuf becoming Tarzan of the Apes.

>The skull impossibly magnetic only part of the time.

>Wasting John Hurt as the madman.

>South American capoeira experts inexplicably wearing skull masks and randomly hanging out in crypts for archaeologists to wander in? WTF?

>South Americans living inside the stone walls of a temple and popping out whenever someone violates their territory? Again, an even more emphatic WTF?

>The python used as a rope.

>The British double-triple-oh-wait-I’m-just-greedy agent. Snore!

…I could go on about the ants, the psychic who can’t read minds, the extra-dimensional alien melding and so on, but I'm already waaaaay over my alloted 'ranting fanboy' quota for the night.

I'll have to be extra good for the next few posts to make up for it.

I'd like to apologize to anyone who might have been spoiled by my bit on Let The Right One In.

In my original post on the film, I summarized the entire plot. In retrospect (and was pointed out by rose-buddy) that was a mistake on my part, and potentially spoileriffic for those who haven't seen the film.

Again, apologies to rose-buddy and to anyone who might have been spoiled... I've amended the post so it's now safe to read without fear of the ending being given away, and I'll try my best not to do it again.

Sorry!

Film: Number three in our SIFF series, Young People Fucking is a sex comedy from Canada, made up of short segments featuring a variety of different couples: First Date, Friends, Husband & Wife, Exes, and a MMF Three-Way.




By far, the most hilarious sequences were of the Husband & Wife. Suffering from bedroom boredom and a lack of communication, the truth about what's going on in each of their heads comes out and things are brought to a happy ending thanks to a ribbed red strap-on. (the Husband's face during the reveal is CLASSIC.)


The Three-Way bits were nearly as good, being completely absurd and off the wall thanks to a voyeuristic boyfriend and his cookie dough fetish.





First Date started off okay, but the story went off track and failed to nail the ending. Friends was sort of awkward (although it had a few of the best lines in the movie) and Exes was just... depressing. Watching two people with distance between them tried to reconnect while denying that they're trying to reconnect served to kill the good humor the other segments kept building up, and I wouldn't have minded if they had skipped trying to inject this comedy with a little bit of drama.


Overall, the movie had more than a few genuine laughs and a lot of the observations and commentary from the writers were spot-on. I don't think it's going to end up as a cult classic, but it was definitely worth watching and came off as a modern, somewhat more mature entry than the usual teen-oriented, apple-pie-flavored sexcapades. Recommended.





(and BTW, the film isn't nearly as graphically explicit as you might expect from the title. Porn, it ain't, though you couldn't be blamed for thinking otherwise.)